If today was your last day...

[BEWARE: THIS GETS REALLY FREAKING DEPRESSING!!]

So, I'm listening to If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickleback. Very good song. Anyways, so it got me to thinking about what I would do if today was my last day...

First, I'd wake up super early in the morning (make the day longer y'know). Watch the sunrise with my love. Then, meet up with my friends for a breakfast all the pancakes, french toast, waffles, bacon, eggs, sausage, biscuits, gravy... milk, coffee, orange juice, chocolate milk... the works!

Then, we'd all go to the park and swing... Remember swinging on a swing set? The wind in your face, your hair blowing CRAZY. We might even do the see-saw. I'd let all my friends take whatever photos they wanted to, ask me any questions they felt like they wanted answered.

After the park, Tom and I would go for a ride on a great motorcycle. Out into the middle of nowhere. We'd park the bike and just walk hand in hand. We'd talk about all the great memories we had, there would be no tears.

After our ride, Tom and I would gather all of our family together. We'd just sit and talk. I'd ask them to never forget the times we had. I'd ask them to help Tom through this time. We'd talk about how we all were together for our graduation, and our wedding. We'd talk about how far we'd all come and how amazing our lives were because of each other. No harsh words, no speeches on how people could have done this better, or gotten certain places faster. We'd never mention all the places we'd never been, just the places we enjoyed.

Then, we'd have a great big family dinner - with everyone sharing the same kitchen and smiling. We'd talk about the time I "burned" the water. We'd laugh and joke about how we did things differently, but always seemed to get to the same end. I'd praise all of our family members on things they have accomplished, and hopefully push them towards their goals as their lives continue on. We'd hug, we'd smile, there would be tears here. There's no real stopping it. I'd ask my parents to never push Tom out of their lives, not even when he found another to spend his life with. I'd tell them to not worry about me. I'd see them soon enough in the here-after.

After I'd said goodbye to my family, Tom and I would come home. This would be the hardest part. Telling Tom how much he really means to me, and how much I would miss him until we were together again. I'd ask him to not push away my family when they tried to help him. I'd tell him to not create a shrine for me. If there were things he wanted to keep of mine, he should - but to get rid of the rest. We'd sit together and smile about the times we had. We'd cry about the times we should have had. We'd laugh about the times that didn't work out just right. We'd be silent - but a good silent. We'd walk hand in hand into our bed room and lay down, snuggled together so tight we'd think the world had halted all around us. Imagining for one minute, that it wasn't the end. Praying together that things would be ok for both of us. Somewhere in there, we'd fall asleep.

[This is probably the hardest thing I've ever written in my entire life. Not so much because of what was written, but all the things that couldn't fit into words... It's amazing all the things I would want to say to my friends, my family, and Tom that I just couldn't get to come out of my head. I know I would want all of my friends and family, and Tom too, to be happy, to know that I wasn't in any pain, but jeez... I think it would awkward.

Anyway, well that was really depressing at the end. It really does scare me, to think that one day I'll have to say goodbye to Tom, or he would have to say goodbye to me. It seems so hard. I never want that day to come. I always stole a line from Winnie the Pooh:

"If you live to be 100, I'd only want to live for 100 minus 1 day. So I'd never live with a day with out you."

I love my life, sure there are things I'd change, but if I found out I was done tomorrow... I think I'd be pretty happy with how I lived, the friends I've made, the love of my life. He really is my soul mate... I never thought he could (for use of a really cheesy line) complete me the way he does. I could hope that if I do pass before Tom, he would able to find someone to share the rest of his life with. So that he wouldn't be too sad. Ok, enough of this sad stuff... Time to go to something fun... and kiss my husband for good measure... Just because we aren't "planning" on either one of us being gone any time soon - sometimes you just don't know.

I love you, Tom. You are my soul mate. You are my best friend. If I lost everything and everyone in the world, I know I'd be ok... because I have you. I really hope you don't read this... because it's really depressing haha! I love my friends and my family...

(PS. If there are typos, please don't mention them, I can't even reread this thing... I can't make it through it again! Sorry!!)

Love, Jessica]